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THE TEEN YEARS
YOUR NEW NORMAL
One day you are going to look up and it’s going to hit you: your little girl is not your little girl anymore. It will surprise you. When did that happen? Hips, breasts, hormones, moods, boys.
The teen years, the best years of parenting….said no parent ever.
Studies show that Dads start to withdraw from daughters in these years. The relationship becomes awkward. One day she wants to sit in your lap, the next you are the embodiment of everything wrong in her life. She may remind you of that swirling jar of numbered balls at a bingo game. A random ball comes out – N2 sweet little girl, B3 – sulking girl, G16 – mature thoughtful girl. You never know. One morning my youngest came down the stairs, and I said, “Really cute outfit.” “So what you’re saying is I’m fat?” she cried.
Huh? Your guess is as good as mine. But it can be like that. Don’t lose heart - the teen years will be stormy and turbulent. This is normal…your new normal. You will live through it. AND THOUGH IT MIGHT NOT ALWAYS SEEM LIKE IT, SHE NEEDS YOU MORE THAN EVER. But you will have to be willing to stand in the storm.
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Standing in the Storm
In 2006 my dear friends Matt and Stephanie's two-year-old daughter Mary Claire died in her sleep. The last thing her parents heard her say when mom got up to check on her early that morning was, "I'm OK mommy". A few days later I went with them back into their home for the first time after her death.
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They had many choices in life that day and since. One choice they made is traveling the country talking to youths and sharing their faith. They chose to use their experience to show that life goes on and to inspire others.
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Finding Elizabeth on the floor of the bathroom that morning with bloody wrists left a mark. Each day since has been a gift, with many storms and blessings. I will stand in every storm that blows through her life. I tell myself that if Matt and Stephanie can live and prosper through their storm, I can deal with the teen years. So can you. The love never stops.
THE TEEN YEARS
SHE’S HAVING HER PERIOD
Both my girls had their first period with me. Alone. Single dad. Awkward. If there was a mom around, I would have headed for the gym. But I’m glad I didn’t. I learned a lot about what it’s like to be a woman in the world by being there for them when this started.
BOUNDARIES DURING
THE TEEN YEARS
She is pushing back against you and your rules as she grows into her own. She is supposed to be doing this. It’s normal. It is part of the process of her becoming independent from you and moving into the world on her own. She’s not your little girl anymore.
SHUT UP AND LISTEN
It’s been a three year journey since I found Elizabeth on the floor of her bathroom that morning. She’s better now. She still has struggles, but she is better. We talk about important things now, the real stories. It wasn’t my fault she attempted suicide, but why didn’t I know how desperate she was? I wasn’t listening closely enough.