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THE POWER OF FATHER-DAUGHTER MEMORIES
If you’re a dad, what does your daughter need from you? If you’re a daughter, what did you need from your dad? Answering this question became a passion of mine, partly because Elizabeth, Rachel, and I have been navigating this conversation in our own lives for so long. I know we are not alone.
What does a daughter need from her dad? To get an idea, I started asking adult women a simple question: What is your best memory of your dad?
I can spot a woman who had a great dad the moment I ask the question. I can see it in her face before she says a word and in her sparkling eyes that sometimes tear up at the memories. I can also spot a woman who did not have a great dad. Different face, different tears. She’s searching for a memory that isn’t there or hoping to forget some that are. She will spend the rest of her life wondering about what might have been if she had a different dad. Or one that showed up.
I once told a young adult friend the story of tracking my 16-year-old daughter Rachel down one night when she didn’t come home on time. The process involved threats to call the police if her location was not revealed. She was mad at me for weeks. My friend started crying. After a moment, she said she wished her dad had done that. What her dad did was change the locks on the house and he never let her back. She was 14. Don’t do that, Dads. Take a stand for her life, no matter what. Today, this memory is not positive in Rachel’s good memory bank, but someday it may be. Someday she will tell this story, and she will understand she had a dad that would not quit on her, no matter what.
DEPOSITS IN THE
MEMORY BANK
For many years I’ve asked women to share their best memory of their dad. Here are some of my favorites.
Airport Hero
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“It was the end of our family vacation. I was five years old. We turned in the rental car and were headed through the terminal to the gate. I realized I’d left my doll in the rental car. My mom said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll get a new one when we get home.’ But my dad scooped me up in his arms. We ran back through the terminal, got on the shuttle bus, and returned to the rental car place. I got my doll back, but the thing I'll always remember if the thrill of being in my dad's arms as he was running through that airport. For me." Click continue reading for more dad deposits in the memory bank.
CREATING MEMORIES WITH YOUR DAUGHTER
How do you create memories with your daughter? Where do you start if you want an extraordinary relationship with her? I have good news... it's not difficult and here's a hint: start small. Little things add up over time. Big little things.
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I have two words for you: Dunkin and donuts. It's not complicated and it's not the donut. But donuts work. So do flowers and chocolate. Write that down. One woman told me her best memory of her dad was looking up words in the dictionary with him. Big little things.
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If you're not sure what to do, go home and pay attention. She will let you know what's important.
NOW IT'S
YOUR TURN
Go find her and create a memory. Don't overthink it. Do it today. Keep it small. Someday Rachel will forget the day I took her to Duncan Donuts. Someday she will forget the flowers and chocolate I took her at school. She will not forget how she felt when she got them. A $1 donut and a little bit of time. And don't forget to take a picture with you in it. It will be a treasure one day.
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If you have a tradition, keep it going. If you don't, start one. A letter Every Sunday, a picture every birthday, breakfast every Thursday of high school. Something she can count on. Memories for a lifetime.
