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EXTRAORDINARY DADS
WHAT MAKES A GOOD MAN
Tom Matlack created a movement called the Good Man Project in 2009. He said, “My personal definition of being a good man means trying to make more good decisions on a daily basis than bad. It means showing up for my wife and kids even when it’s not easy. It means trying to help someone else out of generosity rather than greed. It means telling the deepest truth I am capable of. And it means forgiving myself when I fail. Because I still fail. If I make more good decisions than bad on any given day, that is a victory. And I sleep well.”
My dad was a good man, the kind Tom talks about. He was a good provider. A good creator. He went to every band performance I ever had. And my brothers’ football games. He took me hunting and for rides in his truck. He let me be his helper and taught me how to build. He told the truth. He was a simple man with simple values, simple aspirations. He never quit on his family. He stayed by my moms’ side until she died of cancer in my childhood home. My dad is the epitome of the saying, “If a jobs worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” I stand on his shoulders. Thanks, Dad.
You get to decide what it is to be a good man. It’s an aspiration. No man is a good man every day. We all fail. But a good man gets up every day and tries again.
So, what makes a good man? A few modest suggestions:
When you make a mistake, welcome to the club. Admit it. Take responsibility. Tell her you are sorry. If you regret something, own it. This seemingly small act models all kinds of life lessons for her: responsibility, learning from mistakes, seeking repair in relationships, being vulnerable, admitting you don’t have it all figured out.
I encourage you to be courageous. It takes courage to stand for what you know is right. In your heart. It takes courage to stand in the storm of teenage drama. As John Wayne said, “Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” I’ve often thought it is the most important virtue.
Tell the truth. Keep your word. Be reliable. Be fiercely loyal to and protect those you love, especially her. Be steady in the storm, the voice of calm in chaos. Radiate love for your family. Define the values you want her to grow up with and live them. See the goodness in her and others. Be grateful. Live so that she knows that no matter what, you will be there. The love never stops.
More Good Men Please
I believe the world needs more good men. Strong men who use their strength for good. Men like Frank Dearborn, Steve Addis, Jim Zetz, my dad. Inspiring men. Inspiring stories of devotion to their daughters. Men who don't back away in the teen years. Men who have the guts to say no. Men who will stand in the storms of life. Men who will stand by her. No matter what. She deserves nothing less. Your sons, your family, and your community deserve nothing less.
None of us will ever be perfect dads. You don’t have to be. Get up every day and strive for goodness in your life and hers. We all will come up short at times, raise our voices, and react with anger. In her teen years, she will take your last ounce of patience and crush it. Don’t quit on her. Be part of the solution. Be steady in the storm. Do your best: Good enough is good enough.
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EXTRAORDINARY DADS
THE POWER OF MASCULINITY
I once asked Donna, Frank Dearborn’s daughter, to tell me about her dad. Because her book is filled with stories of adventures she took with him—climbing peaks in Vermont, backpacking trips, hiking trips, and more, I expected her to tell me about that.
But she didn’t. Not exactly.
Instead, she talked about who Frank was as a man and the gifts he gave her. She talked about how he lived his life. She said he was a great man who infused her with confidence. He was a leader that inspired people, she said, a “master of empowering us and our choices.”
DAD STORIES
The Every Sunday Project is inspired by the life of an inspirational man and father, Frank Dearborn, and the relationship he created with his daughter Donna. When Donna left for college, Frank told her he would write her a letter, every Sunday. He asked her to write back and for 32 years they did. A letter every Sunday.
One day, Frank had a stroke and could no longer write, walk or express his thoughts. Donna visited him in the nursing home and told him stories to cheer him up. Stories about her adventures growing up with him in the outdoors. She began to write them down, and those stories became a book: “Every Sunday: A Father and Daughter’s Enduring Connection.”